September 1, 2013...a coworker challenged me, as she did her "LifeGroup" at church, to write a journal for the next 30 days.

Twenty-nine years ago I delivered my third child, Holly.  Her beginnings - my getting pregnant - wasn't the best way to happen, but the outcome was this incredible child that I feel tremendously blessed that she came from me!  We have had many ups/downs in our relationship and I have begun to wonder if it's because we are alike

Holly asked me to come spend the weekend with them - so I did.  I'm grateful that our relationship has healed/grown to allow each other to be who we ARE, not who we think/wish we were.  She told me she had tickets to the Circus.  Come to find out, it was the same circus that we went to when she was 3 years old.  Back then, she rode an elephant with her brother.  This time, she and I rode it with her little girls.  It felt wonderful to be snugged against each other on the back of this huge animal that slumbered around the ring twice.  I thought about the $10/ticket ride...I appreciated that my daughter wanted to share this with me.  As we sat, the 4 of us, I noted that her youngest daughter was actually touching the elephant's ear.  I thought of the scripture that said, "and a child shall lead them."  I seemed to recall that the people in India use their feet to prod the elephant's ears in the direction they wish to go.  For Olivia - it had to be a WOW moment...to touch his ear!  For me...I was being led by my granddaughter.

These little girls teach me a great deal.  I am honored that I am their grandma.  I'm pleased with how my daughter has become a mom, and has nurtured two beautiful little beings.

September 2, 2013...

I was teaching my daughter to sew - or helping her recall her sewing lessons from school.  I marvel at how things have worked out between she and I.  I remembered as a little one how she would stand behind me and watch me sew.  Here she is now, all grown up, and she's still truly behind me - allowing me to teach her, but she is behind me in her support of what I love to do.

I was given this talent.  I do not feel that I have ever buried it, but have tried to always do something more with the knowledge I've been given.  I cannot teach someone to LOVE it like I do, as I feel this is IN someone.  I do appreciate the privelage of teaching others, however MY love of sewing.

I noted the lack of support that Holly got in doing the sewing.  It's not that her husband doesn't think she CAN sew, but felt that there was a need to put down rather than build up.  He bought her the machine a few years back and she's never really learned to sew on it.  I am glad that he wasn't opposed to my 'intrusion' on the weekend to come and teach her basic steps to create.

What I did find was that there ARE books out there on sewing...but that perhap I could actually help my daughter out more by writing down my thoughts of what I feel are the basics.  Develop the love of the craft.  Cherish the knowledge.  Grow your skills to become perfect.  On my way home I decided that I would write a book on sewing...why I love what I do.  I appreciate that my youngest has encouraged me to do this.

I stopped by my sister's on the way home and almost the first question out of her mouth was, "Did you bring your sewing machine?"  I smiled at her - I hadn't brought the machine but I was pretty sure I could help her - either on her machine doing what she needed...or bringing home and doing for her.  Either way - her confidence in MY skills has been something I have appreciated for a long time.

I always felt that she could buy whatever she wanted - and that may be true, but she would still buy fabric and patterns and have me sew for her.  It took me a few years to SEE her faith in my skills.  It felt great to know that she could  buy...but she wanted me to make them for her.  Perhaps it was she knew that I needed to create, and she needed the clothes?  Either way, we both won.

I guess over all, I felt this tremendous peacefulness and respect this weekend and I'm very appreciative of it.

September 3, 2013...

Back to work...today I did not FEEL the immediate need to 'get something done' but rather look at where I am and where I need to be.

I look around at my co-workers and realize how blessed I am.  Sometimes there isn't much more to say - than I am immensely blessed.

My oldest/dearest friend sent a text today saying that her brother was found dead.  Reality is, they suspect that it's her brother and they have to identify the badly decomposd body.  Assumptions...how many times have we allowed assumptions to rule over us?  I don't want to assume he is dead, I really want to know he IS.  Part of me wants to spit on his grave because of the hurt he caused my friend...the other side of me knows I am to forgive him for that.

I may just want to know he's dead and gone and that will heal the hurt enough.  We know that sometimes we may feel the need to hear the words, "I'm sorry."  How often when we do hear it do we feel it's not sincere?

I want to make sure that my thoughts are not my human emotions, but that I am trying to be more of God's thoughts.  He loved and created each of us, in His image.  Therefore...maybe all I should do is stand by his grave and look forward to a time when all the sorrow from the past will never be in our minds and we ALL get a new start.  A "do-over."

I wonder if God ever wanted a "do over"?

Life today...

It's been almost a year since I've worked on my blog.   It's not because I don't think about it, It's just that I don't think there's anyone but me/Rona following...I laughed at that comment.  When I was a teenager I first met Rona and I marvel at how our lives have come back around to be with each other.  I admire her strength without even being around her - to FEEL it in her writings, her words to me. 

I have also followed a few friend's blogs, disappointed in one who stopped blogging becuase it was a way to keep in touch.  Who knows, she may have felt that with 3 young children she didn't have the time.  Why have I neglected this?  It's theraputic - did I need it?  I've been busy this past year, okay?  I also feel sometimes that I am pulled in too many different directions and sometimes FAR from where I want to be.

This past year I've pushed myself to end some of my debts.  I thought at one point that I was "debt-free" but then a few more surfaced.  It's okay - I AM managing my bills and I am okay.  Last year I took out a loan off my 401K to pay off my medical, from chemo, which was the largest bill I had.  I went through some months of feeling really pissed at the office for doing all these fund raisers for others, and I got nothing from them.  Reality tends to slap you in the face, though.  Reality, MY cancer came before some of the 'bigger' guys at the office.  Maybe I was a prelude.  I like that.  I am someone that introduce a 'bigger' act.  IF I could help others come to terms with cancer, that it wasn't deadly all the time, just devastaing.  Financially I DID do this myself, with AEtna - who, in my opinion were FANTASTIC!!!  I digress (I tend to do that a lot, too) but I DID pay off my cancer bill, without the assistance of co-workers.  In case anyone else is reading this, we DID have fund raisers for about 10 other co-workers, and no, I did not participate.  Yes, it might have been bitchy on my part, but you know, it is what it is.  If I could do it, so could they.  And, maybe because my focus was on ME (selfish) I did not consider how I could help someone else...so before I get blasted...I DID encourage at EVERY point I could.  I prayed for them.  I had a lot of positive thoughts going in their direction.  I thought positively for them.  Can you put a price on that?  And...they all have 401K's as well...so if they NEEDED, they had too.

I am almost 5 years past my cancer removal.  You would think that after 5 years I wouldn't think about it daily.  I do.  Mr. Wipple is still my best friend (in the guise of Cottonelle Tissue with Aloe)  Sorr'y, "Charmin" you simply do not have the extra umph that Cottonelle has, and yes, I'd say I am more of an expert.  I look at where I was to where I am.  Some days I feel like I've traveled a L O N G way, until I am in the bathroom night after night.  Ah, but then it's been quite a while since I threw in the towel at the office and went home due to bathroom issues.   I wish that we had a bathroom where I could take my laptop to the office, and sit and work while sitting...but alas, my feet do not touch the ground at the office.  They do at home.

Cancer hit my life hard.  It hurt my feelings and after 5  years, I'm still hurt by it.   My quality of life is still not where it was - will I ever have it again?  Maybe I don't need that same quality of life - but a differnent quality?  I do not feel the freedom to come/go as I want, but then, was I doing that before?  Nah, I think that even before cancer I didn't travel.  I WANTED to, but I didn't.  So...now if I want to go somewhere I have to plan it out.  I MIGHT eat a meal that I know will cause me to be in the bathroom for a few hours, in order to have a day/two okay.  This allows me to fly on a plane and get settled before my body adjusts.  So, my quality of life is there - I just plan it, not spontaneous.

Maybe being spontaneous isn't a bad thing.  I look for the quality of life, and maybe I'm practical, what can I say?  I have paid for my trip to St. Augustine end of September.  I am hopeful that at the end of the Feast, when I come home with my folks that I'm able to complete the chair reuphostery I started 2 years ago?  Fun journey.

Ah...it IS the journey, isn't it?  I'm glad that I've taken THIS trip, with the people I've been with.  They have formed me, transformed me.  Life is good.  Sorry it's taken a year to get back to this.

Recovering My Couch

One of the things I have not always appreciated is hand-me-downs. This couch, however is not one that I disliked at all. I think from the moment my friend asked me if I wanted it I had visions of what it might look like. The all white sofa that I posted in my first blog...well, it's a maybe one day down the road.
I also surprised a lot of people when the fabric I chose to recover the cushions with was NOT white! I walked into this quaint store in McKinney and this blue caught my eye. I walked away and saw a pink floral, but my eye almost immediately went back to the blue. I think I saw "blue skies" and it was such a pretty shade. Please note, there WERE pink feathers inside this topper though! I had saved a king size feather bed topper I bought years ago and decided to use those feathers to help me have that soft look.









Ripping apart the bed topper was interesting. It didn't take me too long to figure out there would be no easy, clean way of removing the feathers, so I opted to just pull them out, then put them in trash bags until I'm ready to use them. In some ways it made me smile to see all these feathers about - and to also scoop them up in my arms. I was tempted to toss them in the air - and decided against it for 2 reasons. 1. No one was around to take a picture of the fun and 2. probably more importantly, I was the only one here to also clean it up. Logic won.
I'm not totally decided yet on the style, but sometime mid-afternoon my mind saw this idea...Now I have to wait and see how it 'feels.' Thoughts??










Okay, spent a week sleeping on my couch while I had out of town guests. I'm not disappointed in the feel, think my mind still thinks it's supposed to be all white. I did see a fellow blogger post a photo of her re-done chair where she did the same rouching...hers was white.

Maybe what I need is to have the balloon pouff curtain on my window to add an extra touch of the same fabric across the room and perhaps the feeling of being in the clouds will come to fruition? I also decided to use up the scraps with a pillow from a free pattern from JoAnn's Fabric. I also was able to reuse a pillow form that I had, so there was no added expese to this pillow.

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Cinderella Dress

My oldest granddaughter is going to be in her first play. She's in 4th grade and nonchalantly told her mom that she had tried out, and she was going to be Cinderella. I love her joy of life. Now, I've known for about a month that she's going to have this lead role, but it was only last week that her mom found out that she needed a 'modern-day ballgown' and the second costume would be the 'rags'. My mind started spinning at what we could do, what I knew I CAN do, and making it happen.

Where did I put my magic wand?? I happened to pass a garage sale that had pretty close to the same color that Alexis had requested. Didn't need the magic wand, just the guiding hand from Above! So I pick this dress up, that originally cost $450, got it for $50. I ripped it apart - by that I mean, I literally started the deconstruction so that I could adapt a woman's size 8 to fit a little girl size 8. I can do this. I'm looking forward to doing it...I feel very much like the Fairy Godmother, although Alexis in essence waves her hand (as if it's her magic wand) and says, "Grandma can do it" attitude. Grandma can.

This is a Mori Lee ladies size 8 ball gown on my dress form...

and a slight wave of the magic wand...and this is the after, a Little Girl's size 8

Spring...the season of beginnings, right?

I have been pondering this weekend about the people that I know will probably not make it through another year. This may be their last spring. If I knew this would be my last spring what would I change? I'm in the midst of sewing some pillows for a friend. She's got the basics of her living room set, she knows what she wants to see, color wise, and she picked out some interesting fabrics. YEAH me, I am sewing them for her. I'm not an interior designer, I'm an interior DOER...and I really enjoy doing this. Several times today I caught myself thinking...what if this was my last project? I don't know why those thoughts have come to mind so much, although I know the timing of the season and where I was a few years ago. I think my eyesight changed with the chemo - but maybe it changed because I'm getting older? I can still see, I just don't see like I used to. The colors this woman has chosen are vibrant - and full of life. They make me smile - they are not colors I would choose in my own home, because I'm not "bold". I think I'm quiet, unsophisticated. I think that I will feel the loss of my eye sight like I will feel the loss of my friends. I can close my eyes and see their smiles. I can feel their presence. What have I lost?? Harlean died 3 years ago - and I still see her silly smile and it warms me. I have begun to think of life differently once again, and I'm not sure why. It's not a bad thing, and I'm not being morbid. I'm not going to live forever, but am I doing things I need to do NOW? Am I doing what I want to do NOW? If I have one year left...one season left...what will I do? Right now I'm looking forward to creating some pretty curtains for my living room. I found this pretty fabric, shockingly has no pink in it! But when I saw it I was drawn to it. The colors scream PEACE to me. So I got all they had and I'm hoping that I will have enough to do my couch cushions and then add to my curtains...or lack there of. I saw these pretty lace pouffes with a solid behind and I thought...hmmm, why can't I do that with my leftover fabric? We'll see. I got rid of clothes today that I no longer wear. Some remind me of my past and some are styles that are not me, but I wore because I had them. Maybe someone else can enjoy them. I took one sweater and took the beads off of it - took me about a half hour to do...but I'll find some way to re purpose them, as the sweater had holes in it and was not going to Good Will regardless! Who knows, maybe I'll find a way of using those beads on a card for one of the shut ins we have from church...or a get well card? Either way - re purpose. I read someones Blog "a Re-Purposed Life" and it hit a chord with me. That's how I feel I am. I'm re-purposed. Spring means life begins, right? So...let's see how I make this season begin!