Cinderella Dress

My oldest granddaughter is going to be in her first play. She's in 4th grade and nonchalantly told her mom that she had tried out, and she was going to be Cinderella. I love her joy of life. Now, I've known for about a month that she's going to have this lead role, but it was only last week that her mom found out that she needed a 'modern-day ballgown' and the second costume would be the 'rags'. My mind started spinning at what we could do, what I knew I CAN do, and making it happen.

Where did I put my magic wand?? I happened to pass a garage sale that had pretty close to the same color that Alexis had requested. Didn't need the magic wand, just the guiding hand from Above! So I pick this dress up, that originally cost $450, got it for $50. I ripped it apart - by that I mean, I literally started the deconstruction so that I could adapt a woman's size 8 to fit a little girl size 8. I can do this. I'm looking forward to doing it...I feel very much like the Fairy Godmother, although Alexis in essence waves her hand (as if it's her magic wand) and says, "Grandma can do it" attitude. Grandma can.

This is a Mori Lee ladies size 8 ball gown on my dress form...

and a slight wave of the magic wand...and this is the after, a Little Girl's size 8

Spring...the season of beginnings, right?

I have been pondering this weekend about the people that I know will probably not make it through another year. This may be their last spring. If I knew this would be my last spring what would I change? I'm in the midst of sewing some pillows for a friend. She's got the basics of her living room set, she knows what she wants to see, color wise, and she picked out some interesting fabrics. YEAH me, I am sewing them for her. I'm not an interior designer, I'm an interior DOER...and I really enjoy doing this. Several times today I caught myself thinking...what if this was my last project? I don't know why those thoughts have come to mind so much, although I know the timing of the season and where I was a few years ago. I think my eyesight changed with the chemo - but maybe it changed because I'm getting older? I can still see, I just don't see like I used to. The colors this woman has chosen are vibrant - and full of life. They make me smile - they are not colors I would choose in my own home, because I'm not "bold". I think I'm quiet, unsophisticated. I think that I will feel the loss of my eye sight like I will feel the loss of my friends. I can close my eyes and see their smiles. I can feel their presence. What have I lost?? Harlean died 3 years ago - and I still see her silly smile and it warms me. I have begun to think of life differently once again, and I'm not sure why. It's not a bad thing, and I'm not being morbid. I'm not going to live forever, but am I doing things I need to do NOW? Am I doing what I want to do NOW? If I have one year left...one season left...what will I do? Right now I'm looking forward to creating some pretty curtains for my living room. I found this pretty fabric, shockingly has no pink in it! But when I saw it I was drawn to it. The colors scream PEACE to me. So I got all they had and I'm hoping that I will have enough to do my couch cushions and then add to my curtains...or lack there of. I saw these pretty lace pouffes with a solid behind and I thought...hmmm, why can't I do that with my leftover fabric? We'll see. I got rid of clothes today that I no longer wear. Some remind me of my past and some are styles that are not me, but I wore because I had them. Maybe someone else can enjoy them. I took one sweater and took the beads off of it - took me about a half hour to do...but I'll find some way to re purpose them, as the sweater had holes in it and was not going to Good Will regardless! Who knows, maybe I'll find a way of using those beads on a card for one of the shut ins we have from church...or a get well card? Either way - re purpose. I read someones Blog "a Re-Purposed Life" and it hit a chord with me. That's how I feel I am. I'm re-purposed. Spring means life begins, right? So...let's see how I make this season begin!

My Patio Flowers

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My little herb garden

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My Pink Flowers

I'll add the yellow...they kind of count as being pink because I can see pink IN them, right? That counts, doesn't it? I love the way my patio is looking. I wish I had some Hollyhocks growin up the side of my wall, but they'd need dirt, not concrete beneath them!

My little carnations have the sweetest smell, and the pink roses have very little...but the yellow rose - WOW.

Surrogacy - Gift of Family Love

Around 2006 time frame my daughter had a hysterectomy due to endometriosis. I remember sitting in the waiting room for her to come out but not really thinking of the ramifications of the procedure. I didn't want her suffering as she had been, but it also was an end to any future babies she might want. Ah...babies...those little lovable packages that do not stay little for long...and they grow up to become children. People think about having babies, do they ponder children? Teenagers? Nah, we only think on the good side of babies. She and I went to a friend's baby shower and part way through, as the friend was holding up these cute outfits my daughter had to leave. She didn't make a scene, but I knew she was crying. I went outside to find her sitting in the car. She wasn't feeling sorry for herself, but she was feeling what she had lost. She wasn't unhappy for her friend - far from it - she was THRILLED! Nonetheless...she felt her loss. I pondered this quite a bit. Getting pregnant had never been an issue for me. There was a period of time when I considered becoming a surrogate and discussed with my then, young kids. They weren't quite in their teenage years, ages 7, 9 and 11. They were adamant about "NO" because they didn't want me to give up a brother or sister of theirs, no matter how I cut it - if it was MY egg...it was half theirs. I put that thought on a back burner and respect their wishes. Move the clock forward again and now my daughter cannot have a baby, but wanted one. She was in a new relationship and could not give the gift of a child to her new beau. This got me pondering, once more. It was time for my annual OB check up so I opted to go to the same OB/Gyn that she had used on the endometriosis. If that disease was hereditary, may as well treat the mother as well, I figured. I had met the OB several years before, at the birth of my first granddaughter and liked his demeanor. So we do our lovely exam and he asks if I have any questions. I had 2. One - would/could I be a candidate for being a surrogate at my age? I was 47. Not looking to do this for more than one time, but could I do this? Could I be impregnated by his sperm, her egg and carry their child, my grandchild? I got his 2 thumbs up! So my mind is now thinking past a lot of things...and oh, by the way...item #2, I see blood in my stool. It is a wonderful feeling to be told that physically, emotionally and psychologically I am in great shape to be their surrogate. To give the gift of life. This time, the only one that I had talked to about it was my daughter and we left it on the table to be discussed in the 'not too distant future.' I then started thinking of how you approach the work environment. My co-workers all knew I was single - how do you explain a pregnancy from a "responsible adult?" And how would they accept the fact that I was going to be a surrogate? I didn't ponder who would be in delivery with me, that was a given - it would be an incredible family moment, I felt. I was still pondering the work issue - the insurance issue...time off...things I had never pondered before. Funny how a test can change your life. Now we move forward, maybe a year later? My daughter and I were once again at a baby shower for one of her friends and this time it was me who had to excuse herself quietly from the room. I had the hysterectomy due to my cancer and hadn't thought of anything much about it, except that it might eliminate the possibility of some other cancers. Now, for the first time I was coming face-to-face with what I could no longer do for my daughter. I felt as if I had cheated her. The tears were of what I knew I could no longer give my daughter, just as her tears were what she knew she could not give the man she hoped to marry. It was the right thing to do - for both of us - to have the hysterectomies, but it was also something that we both share and do not talk about. I don't have regrets, but every so often I think of the incredible journey we would have shared together. I cry every so often of what I lost out on, but I also know that it was the right decision to make. We cry at what we feel we've lost, when in reality, I have 6 incredible grandchildren that fill me with joy. Each one of my kids has 2 children to give their love to, and the spouses get to share that love...how blessed are we all? Not with what we "lost" but what we give daily.

I love white...

I thought a little more on my love of white - and smiled. Ah, if it makes people wonder about me, no problem! Tonight I got some great news of one of my friend's sister having lymphoma. Not sure if I have the form of cancer correctly but he said she's past the chemo now and is doing great. It fills my soul with so much joy that she's past that hurdle. I learned that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger, and Jimmy's sister is well on the road to how tough she really IS! I met yet another cancer survivor tonight - he's 9 years past his cancer and seems to be doing wonderfully. He chose to not go through the chemo/radiation treatments. It makes me ponder all the issues of doing chemo vs. not. Psalms 139:13 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." No kidding. No disrespect either - but something so simple, so profound. Our bodies are designed for a purpose, and I don't know what my purpose is in this life...but I'm working every day to be the best that I am. "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why we call it 'The Present'." attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt and I had this posted once before on my Facebook page. Those of us who've gone through a life altering experience understand why today IS a present. It's not a play on the word, it's reality.