September 1, 2013...a coworker challenged me, as she did her "LifeGroup" at church, to write a journal for the next 30 days.

Twenty-nine years ago I delivered my third child, Holly.  Her beginnings - my getting pregnant - wasn't the best way to happen, but the outcome was this incredible child that I feel tremendously blessed that she came from me!  We have had many ups/downs in our relationship and I have begun to wonder if it's because we are alike

Holly asked me to come spend the weekend with them - so I did.  I'm grateful that our relationship has healed/grown to allow each other to be who we ARE, not who we think/wish we were.  She told me she had tickets to the Circus.  Come to find out, it was the same circus that we went to when she was 3 years old.  Back then, she rode an elephant with her brother.  This time, she and I rode it with her little girls.  It felt wonderful to be snugged against each other on the back of this huge animal that slumbered around the ring twice.  I thought about the $10/ticket ride...I appreciated that my daughter wanted to share this with me.  As we sat, the 4 of us, I noted that her youngest daughter was actually touching the elephant's ear.  I thought of the scripture that said, "and a child shall lead them."  I seemed to recall that the people in India use their feet to prod the elephant's ears in the direction they wish to go.  For Olivia - it had to be a WOW moment...to touch his ear!  For me...I was being led by my granddaughter.

These little girls teach me a great deal.  I am honored that I am their grandma.  I'm pleased with how my daughter has become a mom, and has nurtured two beautiful little beings.

September 2, 2013...

I was teaching my daughter to sew - or helping her recall her sewing lessons from school.  I marvel at how things have worked out between she and I.  I remembered as a little one how she would stand behind me and watch me sew.  Here she is now, all grown up, and she's still truly behind me - allowing me to teach her, but she is behind me in her support of what I love to do.

I was given this talent.  I do not feel that I have ever buried it, but have tried to always do something more with the knowledge I've been given.  I cannot teach someone to LOVE it like I do, as I feel this is IN someone.  I do appreciate the privelage of teaching others, however MY love of sewing.

I noted the lack of support that Holly got in doing the sewing.  It's not that her husband doesn't think she CAN sew, but felt that there was a need to put down rather than build up.  He bought her the machine a few years back and she's never really learned to sew on it.  I am glad that he wasn't opposed to my 'intrusion' on the weekend to come and teach her basic steps to create.

What I did find was that there ARE books out there on sewing...but that perhap I could actually help my daughter out more by writing down my thoughts of what I feel are the basics.  Develop the love of the craft.  Cherish the knowledge.  Grow your skills to become perfect.  On my way home I decided that I would write a book on sewing...why I love what I do.  I appreciate that my youngest has encouraged me to do this.

I stopped by my sister's on the way home and almost the first question out of her mouth was, "Did you bring your sewing machine?"  I smiled at her - I hadn't brought the machine but I was pretty sure I could help her - either on her machine doing what she needed...or bringing home and doing for her.  Either way - her confidence in MY skills has been something I have appreciated for a long time.

I always felt that she could buy whatever she wanted - and that may be true, but she would still buy fabric and patterns and have me sew for her.  It took me a few years to SEE her faith in my skills.  It felt great to know that she could  buy...but she wanted me to make them for her.  Perhaps it was she knew that I needed to create, and she needed the clothes?  Either way, we both won.

I guess over all, I felt this tremendous peacefulness and respect this weekend and I'm very appreciative of it.

September 3, 2013...

Back to work...today I did not FEEL the immediate need to 'get something done' but rather look at where I am and where I need to be.

I look around at my co-workers and realize how blessed I am.  Sometimes there isn't much more to say - than I am immensely blessed.

My oldest/dearest friend sent a text today saying that her brother was found dead.  Reality is, they suspect that it's her brother and they have to identify the badly decomposd body.  Assumptions...how many times have we allowed assumptions to rule over us?  I don't want to assume he is dead, I really want to know he IS.  Part of me wants to spit on his grave because of the hurt he caused my friend...the other side of me knows I am to forgive him for that.

I may just want to know he's dead and gone and that will heal the hurt enough.  We know that sometimes we may feel the need to hear the words, "I'm sorry."  How often when we do hear it do we feel it's not sincere?

I want to make sure that my thoughts are not my human emotions, but that I am trying to be more of God's thoughts.  He loved and created each of us, in His image.  Therefore...maybe all I should do is stand by his grave and look forward to a time when all the sorrow from the past will never be in our minds and we ALL get a new start.  A "do-over."

I wonder if God ever wanted a "do over"?